Heartprints in the Void

*If it were you, would you want to know?*

After having repeatedly read through the printed copy of Cade's file over the past three days, I keep hoping that I'll have some sort of revelation as to why his father hated me so much that he resorted to *this*. Between the evaluation and the treatment report, the only thing that I learned was that I was right in suspecting that Cade never volunteered for that hypnosis treatment.

He was drugged.

I wish that I could say that I had prepared myself for it, but learning that throughout the entire process, he was never lucid nearly sent me over the edge. *His mind has been bent and toyed with, and he doesn't even know...*

Despite wanting to know how it was possible, out of whatever respect there is left for the privacy of it, I refrained from telling anyone including Ava.

I haven't experienced this much prolonged anxiety for so long since the day that I received *that* letter from him. To make matters worse, as hard as I try to avoid so much as making eye-contact with him, I nearly fold when I see him suddenly emerge from his office and walk toward me.

His stern voice suddenly calls for my attention, "Elysian."

My heart jumps in my chest, my eyes snapping up from the monitors to capture his own.

"I need to see you in my office. Now," he tells me, his tone leaving no room for argument. *He knows.*

Without a word, I nod and reluctantly rise to my feet. I shoot a sideways glance at Krina, watching her eye me in curiosity as I follow behind Cade and into his office. He shuts the door behind me, the click of the lock sounding ominous in the tense silence.

"Sit," he orders, pointing to the chair across from his desk.

With my heart at my throat, I do as he says, my hands trembling slightly as I lower myself into the seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Cade walks around his desk, and as I sit here, trying to put on a brace face, it feels like there isn't enough oxygen in the room for the both of us. It's as though I'm suffocating, and no amount of leg fidgeting is enough to distract me or help me effectively cope.

*Breathe...*

I wait for Cade to sit, but he never does. Instead, he eyes me for a long moment, towering over me with an expression of barely contained anger.

"I'm sure that you're aware that any firewall rule changes are automatically reported to senior engineers and management," he begins, his voice deceptively calm. "And I'm also sure that you know that you don't have authority to make changes without proper approval."

*Oh, shit...*

I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't think," he snaps, cutting me off. "What you did is a fireable offense, Elysian. You're lucky I don't have security escort you out of the building right now."

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I somehow manage to blink them back, refusing to let him see me break. "Cade, please, just let me explain-"

"Explain what?" he demands, leaning forward, his hands braced on the desk. "That you abused your access to snoop through classified files? That you thought you could just do whatever you wanted without consequences?" "No, that's not "

"I'm giving you one chance, Elysian. One chance to come clean about what you were looking for, or I swear to God, I'll make sure you never work in this industry again."

*Wait, what? He didn't look?*

...

*Maybe I should just say something now.*

His words hang in the air, the ultimatum clear. I feel like I can't breathe, my chest tight with panic and desperation.

*Speak up. Come on. Speak. Up.*

...

*I can't. Not here. Not now.*

"I can't," I breathe out, my voice just above a whisper. "Cade, I can't tell you, but you have to believe me, it's important. Please, just...just do a packet inspection. Look at what I accessed, and you'll understand." He scoffs, shaking his head. "You're in no position to make demands here, Elysian."

"Cade, please," I beg, my pride crumbling in the face of his anger. "I know I messed up, but I'm asking you, as someone who once cared for me, to trust me just this once. Do the packet inspection, and if you still think I deserve to be fired after that, then...then I'll accept whatever punishment you see fit."

For a long moment, he just stares at me, his jaw clenched tight. I can see the conflict in his eyes, the warring emotions of anger and curiosity.

Please...

Finally, he lets out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Fine. I'll do the damn inspection. But if I don't find anything that justifies your actions, Elysian, you're done. Do you understand?"

I nod, relief and fear battling in my chest. "Thank you, Cade. I...I know you don't owe me anything, but thank you."

He doesn't respond. Instead, he waves his hand dismissively toward the door. With light tears in my eyes and hands still shaking, I take the cue gratefully and leave, feeling my legs tremble as I make my way back to my desk.

I can already feel the eyes of the other engineers on my team boring holes into me, and as nosy as Krina usually is, she refrains from asking me any questions.

I'm grateful for it.

Time never goes by slower than when it's a Friday afternoon, your attention was called on by your boss who's also your ex-fiancé, and you can't wait to go home. Still, the rest of the day passes in a blur, my mind consumed with thoughts of what Cade will find in the packet inspection. I can feel his eyes on me, watching my every move, but I force myself to focus on my work, not wanting to give him any more reasons to doubt me.

All the while, I'm conflicted.

I was angry with him. I was *so* angry with him that I felt like I hated him, and now? Now, I don't know what to feel.

*Do I even have a right to be angry with him when none of this is his fault?*

As 5PM rolls around, I gather my things and head for the parking lot, my heart heavy with the weight of the secrets I carry. The drive home is a blur, my mind racing with the possibilities of what's going to happen next. I know that everything is about to change I just don't know *how* it's going to change or if I'll like it.

When I finally arrive at my apartment, I feel like I'm moving on autopilot. I go through the motions of greeting Bubbles, changing into comfortable clothes, and fixing a quick dinner, but my thoughts are miles away.

After settling in at my desk, I find myself going over Cade's file again-just like I have been every day since I discovered it. They say that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results, and if that's the case, I may very well be going insane.

*I've probably memorized this word for word by now.*

It's not that I think that I may have misread or misunderstood something. It's that I'm hoping that the psychologist was a little more cryptic and something that could be open for interpretation will give me more than what's in front of me. Unfortunately, I'm starting to believe that that isn't the case, and as much as I wish that I could continue to analyze the report, I have other things that I need to do. The pressure is on.

Knowing that I'm walking on very thin ice now and though I might not have a job come Monday morning, I have to now, more than ever, focus on staying ahead of the game. With the IPv6 migration being just around the corner, the best thing that I can do for myself is self-study to try to figure out the next steps of the project.

*I guess my Friday's won't be restful Friday's anymore.*

Between reading and reviewing public documentation, exercising theoretical configurations, and lab testing, it's midnight and I've only scratched the surface. I have 5 weeks to get through all of the learning material, and not knowing whether it'll be enough, worries me.

I inhale sharply, shaking my head as I lean back on the chair of my home-desk. Looking at it, as a whole, is overwhelming, and just as I'm standing to take a break, a knock echoes through the front door.

*I'm not opening that.*

Again, another set of knocks echo through the door, and this time, Bubbles barks. He rushes to the door, staring at it intensely as though he has x-ray vision whilst he wags his tail.

*Is it Ava again?*

With my eyebrows furrowed, I move to the door, and as I look through the peephole, my blood runs cold.

*Cade..?*