Heartprints in the Void

The next morning, as I drive to work, the cool, fresh air of a 6AM Tuesday morning hardly does anything to calm my nerves or settle the uneasiness in my stomach. I spent the better part of last night thinking about all the ways I could get

caught doing what I'm about to do and how I could avoid being caught.

The unfortunate truth is that the system automatically sends out a report of any firewall rule changes made. Fortunately, because it's automated, hardly anyone ever looks at the report thoroughly. Most engineers merely glance over it to see if the change was successful, but no one ever takes the time to actually go through the report thoroughly.

Ultimately, the odds of anyone finding out are about the same as the odds of someone not only thoroughly going through the report but also conducting a packet inspection on all traffic pertaining to the specific server.

*So...ten percent?*

...

*I'll take my chances.*

Despite knowing that I'm the first and only person on the 8th floor of the office building, my heart beats erratically in my chest as I set my bag down on my desk. I'm quick to set up my working station, connecting my laptop to the docking station and turning it on. *If anyone shows up, I'll just say I was in the restroom.*

Taking my ID badge with me, I head down the walkway, to the fairly short hall where I meet the door with the lock keypad and ID scanner. A shaky breath passes my lips as I glance down the direction that I came from, swiftly turning my head down the opposite direction before approaching the scanner and holding my ID over it.

Rule of thumb: if you have to look both ways before doing something-apart from crossing the street-you probably shouldn't be doing it.

The familiar beep makes my heart jump in my chest, hearing the lock click as I bring my shaky hand to the door handle. In one swift motion, I open the door and watch as the motion sensor lights flicker on.

It's exactly like your typical file room: large heavy-duty shelf units that nearly touch the ceiling are positioned perfectly with about four feet of aisle width between each of them. It's intimidating, seeing stacks upon stacks of files with tags that generalize the contents of each file.

*I don't think 30 minutes is gonna be enough...*

As the door swings shut behind me, I hurry down the aisles, looking for any files that are labeled anything within the realm of 'IP Address' and 'Network Security'. It's not long before I'm standing before the shelves at the far end of the room, and I'm never more glad than when I'm looking down at the one and only bottom shelf with everything related to network security and IP addresses.

*This is fate. It has to be.*

It's as though the stars have aligned, and the first file that I pull is the file that holds exactly what I need.

I lower myself onto the cold, tile floor, setting the file down on my lap as I flip through the first couple of pages listing different IP addresses within the network until I come across the one that directly reads **NSA: Medical Server**. Across from it, listed: *IP 192.168.1.152*'.

*192.168.1.152... 192.168.1.152... 192.168.1.152*

I'm quick, putting the file back together the way that I found it and sliding it back into the slot that I pulled it from. I ignore the soreness lingering in my knees as I rise to my feet and head for the door, glancing at the lockscreen on my phone that, to my relief, reads **6:14AM*'.

*I have time.*

...

*192.168.1.152... 192.168.1.152... 192.168.1.152*

I rush to my computer, quickly logging in and navigating to the firewall rules system where I modify the firewall rules to allow myself direct access to the server containing all classified medical files.

With my heart at my throat, beating at a million beats per minute, my hand trembles on the mouse as I scroll through hundreds of icons with direct links to files of thousands of patients. Between civilian personnel and otherwise, I know that there's no way that I'll be able to read through all of Cade's file once I find it-*if* there's one to find.

Nonetheless, using the quick-search tool, I type **Cade Sinclair*', holding my breath as the computer scans through the list.

*This is gonna give me a damn heart attack.*

My eyes snap to the lower, left-hand corner of the screen, seeing that it's 6:37AM and Krina is going to walk in any moment now.

A thin layer of cold sweat breaks in the palm of my hands, my heart skipping a beat as the screen scrolls to nearly the bottom of the list with Cade's name highlighted.

*Oh, my God...*

I draw my lip between my teeth, biting down as I double-click into the file and the screen flashes, directing me to the top of a PDF file that reads 'Confidential Psychological Evaluation and Treatment Report'. **Name: Cade Sinclair*

*Age: 28 years (DOB: 01/01/1992)*

*Date of the Report: 09/22/2020*

*Examiner: [Redacted]*

*Reason for Evaluation: Mr. Cade Sinclair has encountered significant emotional distress, stemming from the loss of his mother, Olivia Sinclair. Mr. C. Sinclair's trauma has manifested into an unhealthy obsession with Elysian Reign, his former fiancé. Following a participation request by Mr. David Sinclair, Mr. Cade Sinclair's father, Mr. C. Sinclair is under consideration for participation in a confidential and experimental hypnotherapy intervention. The purpose of this therapeutic approach is to facilitate the cessation of any persistent motivations to engage in further interpersonal interactions or relationships with Ms. Reign.*'

My breath catches in my lungs, my eyes watering as I scroll through the evaluation. With time of the essence, I skim through it until I reach the page that reads, **Treatment Plan Approved: Hypnotherapy**. **Recommendations: Due to the nature of Mr. C. Sinclair's and Ms. Reign's relationship, the following recommendations may be beneficial for Mr. C. Sinclair:*

1. Hypnotherapy Intervention (Treatment ID: #3276)

-Implementing a structured hypnotherapy program can assist in addressing and alleviating the emotional challenges associated with this relationship, enabling Mr. C. Sinclair to achieve a stable state of mind. 2. Negative Bias Awareness

-Explore the awareness of negative bias, a common human cognitive tendency to focus and amplify negative experiences. Developing this awareness can help with the manipulation of Mr. Sinclair's pleasant memories and emotions in association with Ms. Reign.

*These recommendations aim to support Mr. Cade Sinclair in his journey toward long-term personal growth and detachment from Ms. Elysian Reign.**

A knot forms at the edge of my throat, my stomach turning as the tears at the brim of my eyes threaten to fall. In spite of the million thoughts racing in my mind, the clock at the corner of the monitor reminds me that I have a couple of minutes left-if any-before the rest of the team walks through the door.

Not wanting to risk raising suspicion or anyone asking any questions, I do the one thing that I am certain will end my career if ever discovered: I select **Print**.

I hear the printer running from where I sit, quickly closing out of the screen before navigating through the firewall rules screen and removing myself from the access log. With this, I rush to the printer to retrieve the twenty-page report before carefully placing it in my backpack.

"Good morning, Elys!"

Krina's voice snaps my attention to the walkway, offering her a half-hearted smile as my voice quavers ever-so-slightly, "Good morning, Krina."

The tears in my eyes quickly dry, and while the hour seems to grow longer by the minute, all I can think about is Cade's file. At least one thing I am certain of: his hate toward me didn't come naturally. In fact, I'm also almost certain that this... treatment wasn't voluntary at all.

*Ava was right...*

I wish that I felt angry or betrayed, but somehow, I feel stupid. I feel stupid because I should've known. I should've known that the Cade that I knew and loved wasn't capable of walking away, the way that he did. Maybe that was the problem.

Our relationship was labeled "unhealthy" and an "obsession". I was in the way of whatever David's plans for Cade were. Now, I'm not.

My heart tugs as my eyes land on a very stern Cade who emerges through the office, greeting the team with simple 'good morning's' and soft smiles.

Well, greeting everyone on the team *except* me.

*Does he even know..?*

I have to fight with everything inside of me to hold myself together, averting my gaze to the monitors in front of me as he walks past me and into his office. I watch him settle himself through my peripherals, and a part of me can't help but feel a sense of jealousy.

I wish that it had been me.

I wish that it had been me so that I wouldn't have to feel what I feel and go on without a care in the world, just like him.