Wild West of the Heart

Obi leaned his head backwards to rest on Mira's lap, by this time, she was almost done with his corn rows and it was about five pm. She had to prepare for the show that night, and he, well he -he had to do whatever the fuck he did by five pm. On a normal day, that would be to talk to Abdul till time becomes insignificant and it's like one am.

But Abdul hadn't replied him, and staring at his screen each millisecond wasn't going to make a response come any faster.

Was he angry?

Obi withheld the urge to type in that question, because whenever his overthinking set in, he wouldn't know when his texts reach a gazillion. And then he's eventually blocked. It's happened more times that he can count, so this time, he was just going to keep calm and watch how it all played out. Calm, even if he was fretting under his breath.

But at least, an unreplied text was his most major inconvenience in that moment. Unlike Ola, who had just had a panic attack out of the fear of losing his mother. He quivered to dial his best friend, Obi.

"So have you told Ola?" Mira suddenly asked, digging the three tailed comb into his 4c textured hair and he budged at little before she began plaiting the last row. "About?" Obi asked and his eyes caught her glare from above. "About Jazzlyn? Well i haven't told him the full gist yet-" He paused and Mira rolled her eyes. "You didn't tell him shit" She icily replied at his lie.

"But that's not what i'm talking about. You know what i'm talking about" A firm pull from his scalp allowed a gasp to escape his lips. "What?" He was genuinely curious this time and Mira just arrghed.

"Abdul?" She said in a questioning tone and Obi balanced his butt against the hard floor, taking a new position. "What? No" He shook his head.

"Why?" Came the obvious question from Mira.

"Because"

"Because no. He doesn't even know i, he doesn't know me. Like" He tried to find the words that had failed him in that moment. "You haven't told him still" Mira said, calmly and not in any way judgy.

If there was the slightest judgement, it came from himself. So much for no more secrets.

"I just don't know how to put it, Mira. You know it's not exactly some happy groundbreaking news" Obi replied and Mira picked harder at his scalp. "Why can't it be?" She asked, and he hummed.

"For starters, how about where we are. We're not exactly in an LGBT friendly community, and it's not the type of news you go wavering around at people" Obi sought for an excuse. "People?" Mira echoed. "Ola isn't people. The difference is you're not telling people, you're telling Ola" She added.

"Who has been like your best friend since the very beginning of time" Obi scoffed at her words. "For the longest time, i envied the both of you" She said and while Obi turned around, she nodded. "You know growing up, i had people, three people but i didn't have that one person that i so longed to tell my most minor inconvenience to at any moment"

"That one person, to roll tyres with and sneak out of the house with. That one person who's been around my whole life. I didn't meet DaSilva and David till i was like ten?" She asked herself, then she nodded.

"Yes, ten. And then i watched you grow and you always had Ola for as long as i knew you. Always told him everything and when it was time to trick me, he'd cook up this master plan but i was always smarter. Ten times" She smirked, and Obi chuckled.

"Sure" There was blatant sarcasm in his tone.

"I know that's not the only issue. I know you're scared that he might see you different when you come out to him. That things might change" She let go of his hair as if twisting the last braid.

"But what if it does?" "But what if doesn't?"

"We always make out the worst case scenarios in our head and we minus the better possibilities. The good, what if it turns out bad, what if it doesn't work out, what if i fall" Mira rolled her eyes. "But what if you fly? I mean there's also a possibility-"

"Erin Hansen?" Obi was quite the reader or perhaps it was a quote that Ola said once or twice. "Yes, Obi. What i'm saying is you'll never know until you tell him, until you take the leap. And the only regrets we ever have are the risks we don't take. Because you'll never have the chance to see that possibility. That outcome" She kissed his head as he pulled away from her. She was done, and he turned to her. "When did you become such a poet?" He asked genuinely and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm a woman of many talents"

It was one of the fewest times that Mira referred to himself as one particular gender. And whenever she did, it was always feminine. Obi didn't have the chance to ponder on that before his phone rang in his hands. His eyes lit up, thinking it was Abdul-

-

-"Speak of the devil" He whispered to Mira on seeing his name across the screen, it was Olamide.

Fiyin walked past the living room with the bucket in her arms, and her side eye unconsciously caught the television switch stations. It could only mean her father was awake though she couldn't see him.

For a brief second, she saw the green ogre dash across the screen. It was this new movie everyone in class was raving about. This shrek thing, but then he didn't last long on that channel before he changed to another, the annual independence documentary. And a live broadcast with President Olusegun Obasanjo. Her father wasn't a news person, so the fact that the channel stayed on for a while showed that he actually payed attention.

Which could only mean he was less sober than usual. Of course, no matter how bad of an alcoholic he was, he was drunk 24/7. There were some times his words didn't drag, some times he could still carry himself across the room without falling. There were some times, times like these, he actually watched the television. Fiyin cleared her throat as she walked right past the kitchen, she'd made eba.

"I dream of a Nigeria "

She closed her door to the sound of the reporter's voice. She had to drop the bucket before going to give him any food. Tossing it into the bathtub, she walked out and dashed the uniform which she had set aside earlier into the wardrobe. She couldn't risk Tobi, her father, seeing the blood on them.

And then she moved to the computer on her mother's desk and cleared out the history. She could not also risk him seeing her recent searches. The chances of him snooping were actually close to zero but it didn't mean it could never happen. And if ever he came across either of those things, it would raise a lot of questions, even more questions if he was sober. Or close to. Be it the uniforms, which she hated that she touched, or the worrisome things she'd searched on the internet. Things like, how to deal with sexual assault and how to know if it was even rape.

She'd searched even worse things when she felt worse himself, like the easiest ways to kill yourself, and she'd seen some combination of pills to take.

She just shook the thoughts out of her head as she shut it down. And then, she walked towards the door and the moment she opened it, her ears fell on that shrill of the reporter, whining about hopes and dreams as if those were even real things. What's the most that any of those could do for her right now?

She didn't dare to hope.

It was one of the things Collins had taken from her that day, hope that things would get better, for her and for Nigeria. Two years ago, she had hope but it was like ever since then, things only got worse.

So why hope? If it's only a fallacy in reality.

Hope's nothing compared to fate.

She walked into the kitchen and dashed out the tray before placing her father's food unto it. She hoped it hadn't gotten cold in the cooler. But even though, he didn't have a choice. It was either that or a pack of cigarettes for dinner. And she knew, he was hungry. It was a public holiday, so he didn't go out.

Not to his recreational farm, or to get more booze.

He'd been on the couch all day, and it only made sense that he was sober now. She picked it up and walked towards him with a bowl of water which she placed across the glass table first. Their eyes met for a second and he heaved a deep sigh, knowing he hadn't even asked for food, though he was starving.

She got his plate and handed it over to him. It was little, from the remaining garri of a few days ago. She made just the little portion for him, while she kept aside just a tangerine for her own dinner.

She wasn't even hungry to be honest, she couldn't remember the last time she had a conventional meal but as she was about to turn away, her father held unto her palms. She halted, turning to him. He looked harmless when he was sober, like a puppy drenched in rain. And his lips quivered the entire minute they stared at each other. "Dad?" She called.

"Thank you" He finally said. Hefting the tray up, he nodded. "For this" Fiyin's brows inarched defenselessly. She couldn't remember the last time Tobi uttered those words to her, if he even ever did.

"Come join me" He let go of her hands and she pushed a lump down her throat. "I'm good. I'm not hungry" It wasn't a lie. "Thank you" She added.

And in that moment, she might have hated all the men in the world but surprisingly Tobi wasn't one of them. She walked towards the front door this time as she felt tears cloud her eyes. She wasn't sure what she was even crying at this time. But she did. Opening the door, she breathed in heavily.

The winds blew right in her face, as if relieving some of her wounds. Her heartbeat slowed, as she clenched her palms to feel a pulse. She was no longer numb, she'd noticed a few days ago.

But then she hated that she wasn't. Because it meant that she had to feel, feel all those emotions she strived so hard to remain buried. And right now, though she couldn't tell what emotion this was, it wasn't just as bad. Maybe it was the last phase.

Or maybe it was just because of her father's words.

-

His fingers went up hers as he took a seat on the hospital bed. She let out a groan, meaning some part of her was conscious and could hear what he was about to say-

"I'm sorry" Akin whispered to his wife. "I'm sorry that you had to be there to witness that. I'm sorry that some of this is my fault, Mary" He continued.

"But i'm not sorry for Ola. I'm not sorry for trying to correct him. Texas changed him, and it's high time we finally acknowledge that. Our son might still be in there, and i'm going to try to bring him back" His grip around her palms tightened. "I'm not going to spare the rod and spoil the child. You of all people know that, and you saw him today-"

"I said it earlier and you saw it. If we don't do something, this boy will be the death of you. The death of us" He continued as her shoulders tilted a bit and slowly, her eyes parted to see him. He could not tell what exactly she was trying to say, he just nodded. And he smiled, because she was alive.

"Mide"

To be continued...