Wild West of the Heart

"Ola" Someone pinched his shoulders, startling him a little bit. By now, he should have known who'd greet him in such a rash masculine way. "Ayo-" "Ayo" His voice went high pitched the second time.

"Ready for tryouts today, newbie?" He neared him, somehow breaking laws of personal space.

"Today?" Ola muttered under his breath as he pulled away from him. Ola was already a distance away with fingers struck at him. "See you, newbie"

"Its-" He cupped his chin. "It's Ola" It didn't matter anyways, he thought to himself as he shut the locker against it's hinge. He looked to his left, where Obi's own was. It hadn't been opened all morning and he wasn't even sure he was in school.

But then his eyes diverted to a queue of students lining in front of the notice board. Someone paused by his side, and he looked to see Abdul. They were mere inches from each other, so there was no excuse now not to ask about his bruised lips-

which had done a good job healing. "Hey" Ola said, in a questioning tone. "What's going on there?" Abdul ignored his friendly advances, he just had his eyes on that long forming queue. "I don't know" Ola replied.

"Collins wants to meet us in half an hour" A few students fidgeted by their lockers as they went hurriedly behind the queue. Ola and Abdul followed even though they didn't have the slightest idea what was happening. "Didn't he just speak on assembly?" Abdul nagged.

"Sorry what list is that?" Ola peered closer to someone on the queue and she turned around. "It's just our results for the tests last week" Ola ohh'ed as he walked closer into the dissipating queue.

A wave of anxiety suddenly washed over him as he neared the nailed scripts. His hands found their way to the board, with Abdul was now a distance from him. "Yes" He exclaimed, sighting an A in Maths.

And then a B in Physics. And of course, a C in biology. "It's almost as if everyone failed biology" Someone muttered from behind him. He wouldn't know because he wasn't a natural in it like he was in maths and physics. And the rest. He'd have to read two and a half textbooks to understand simple ecosystems and succession.

"Except Fiyin i see" Someone said from the front and his eyes fell to her name. "What?" He softly asked, realizing he hadn't seen her all morning.

"She's the only one that got an A. That's above 75" The whispers filled his ears. And he remembered when she told him she had to see Collins for a bad grade in it. Some uneasiness crept into his mind, but he was quick to let it go. Instead he was filled with pride, since he had done above average in the tests.

And at least he was getting something right, so his anxieties reduced. "Fiyin did a good j-" He crept out from beneath the crowd as he turned to Abdul. "Did great as always, Olamide" He elbowed him and Ola replied with a proud smirk. "You?" He asked and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Meh. Fair i guess" Abdul whispered. "I haven't always been the scholar❞ Came a chuckle from both their lips. And then his phone rang in his pockets. Abdul reached for it and the screen lit up his face with a smile. And it reminded Ola of how he hadn't heard from either of Fiyin or Obi that morning. When last did he get a text that lit his eyes?

Unbeknownst to him, it was neighborguy118, which so happened to be Obi. Ola found himself walking away but then he halted. "Your lips?" Ola said. "You good?"

"Yeah" Abdul looked away from his phone. "I just fell, nothing much" He told Ola the same lie he told his parents. And they all bought it. "Oh alright" His voice was soon overshadowed by the sound of the intercom raging through the halls.

"Morning students" He started. "Principal Collins here" He didn't need to introduce himself, but he did. "This information is for the final year students. Please note that there won't be any classes for the first period as there would be an impromptu meeting" Everyone paused in their steps, and looked away from their phones in that second.

They waited for the speakers to go off before they complained under their breathes. Ola didn't know how he felt. They were having biology for first period, so missing was good. But then, for a meeting with Collins? Not so much. He was not only boring, but kept on repeating the same things.

-

He could only wonder what an impromptu meeting meant for them. Hopefully not any trouble. But that thought was foreshadowed with the worry, alas- where the fuck was Fiyin?

Our brains deal with trauma in different ways. Or it doesn't at all. For Fiyin, who still laid in that exact position for hours, she didn't know what to think. She didn't think, that was it. Her brain was too lazy to carry out any simple task. Like telling her legs to get up. Or telling any part of her body to move. Her brain was too lazy to do anything.

And there she was, her hand grazing the floor and her eyes fixed on the ceiling. Her bladder filled with urine and she couldn't even get herself to the toilet.

It was the thing with depression, you know you are.

And you know you're in a bad place and you should do something, but you can't. You can't do anything and that only means you get worse.

It means you slowly watch yourself spiral, go six feet under while still being alive. And there's nothing you can do about it. Fiyin was quick to fall into the walls of depression after what had happened. Or perhaps it was just a temporary state of numbness. Of unaliveness. Temporary, she hoped because with each breath, she could feel her heart beat get slower. And thread weaker.

And there was no one coming to save her.

In that moment, she thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea for it not to be temporary. For her, to actually go. Die. But then, she didn't ever think it was going to be after such a terrible thing.

She foresaw she wouldn't live for long, that maybe by thirty something. Of forty, she'd be gone. After all you can only go so far being in the circumstances that she was in. But at least it didn't mean she wanted it to be sad, or whilst being depressed. She didn't want to die as a result of a burst bladder, or a kidney infection.

She wanted it to be peaceful, maybe even on her own terms. Not after being raped for a second time. That was anything but, peaceful.

Maybe now deep down, she hoped for someone to walk in through those doors. Someone to come save her. She didn't want to die today, not while Collins was still out there, a free man, after what he did.

It would only mean she succumbed to him, allowing him to do the same to other girls. Earlier, she read after she cleaned herself up, that it was easier to admit it to a journal, before anyone else.

That was why she had that piece of paper that was now scrunched up beside her, and that pen. But she couldn't bring herself to admittance. Not that she thought she would skip past the four stages to the last. Acceptance and Admittance. It was grief. Grief for the part of that she lost.

But if indeed, she lost a piece of herself each time she was touched by a man, she would have been void by now. She wouldn't have anything, haven lost it all. I guess, this is where Jonas Frisen's theory comes in. About the rebirth of ourselves

-after seven years. About how we essentially become new people. To Fiyin, it meant that maybe after another seven years, she'd get herself back again. It meant hope, and it meant that she couldn't die now. Not on her mother's gift to her. Her eyes went from the ceiling and down at her arms, almost like it wanted to plunge out of its sockets. And she could see the scars on them, but she couldn't feel anything. She couldn't remember doing them, she couldn't remember hurting herself last night because she was in so much pain.

And denial, which was the first stage. She couldn't believe what had happened. Not now, and not the one of two years back. It was just as if she wiped it off her memory, never to revisit it. And because of that, she never overcame that trauma. Her brain never dealt with that.

But this one, this one was enough to burst it all in her. From two years back. And she was forced now, to face her past. To overcome that trauma. She failed to put it to paper, but as tears fell down her cheeks, she finally put it to herself— -what had happened. Though she couldn't still move, at least she felt the tears as she stared at how much she hurt herself, as she stared at the piercing lines. The sharp grazes in her skin. She hurt herself, after being hurt by someone else.

And what she thought in that moment, was if there was coming back from this. Even after seven years, if she lived, will she ever heal from this?

Give a chance to the Jonas Frisen theory, will all the pain and trauma go with her past body?

Will she become a new person?

-

He mounted that stage, as an innocent man.

Like he hadn't just raped a minor. Like he hadn't committed a gruesome crime, to himself and to Fiyin. But no one knew, no one could. It was why he still had the courage to mount that podium- -with the microphone in his hands, and facing the students that looked up to him. It was the thing about people like Collins, men like Collins that used their powers to forcefully get they want.

No one would know. After all, crime isn't written across the forehead. So how could they? They could never see the glint in his eyes, though Ola had sensed it the day they had met. But he fashied it. Like he did, all things.

"Good morning students" Collins greeted, with a cheerful smile before there was a chorus response.

"Good morning sir"

They couldn't see past that facade, that layer he wanted anyone to see. Like the psychopath that he was, he was pretty good at it. Acting like he was the most innocent man on the planet.

And while a young girl was fighting for her life as a result of what he did, here he was, about to start talking about whatever bullshit it was, this time-

"I thought i missed the assembly" Obi muttered under his breath as he took the only empty seat next to Abdul, who was next to Ola. And the three just shared a couple of glances. There was another seat in front, supposedly where Fiyin would have sat.

"I don't know" Abdul responded, as the two of them shared a very tense glance. And then Obi looked away, clearing his throat. Ola had seen it, but he couldn't say anything, they weren't talking.

And even Obi wanted to tell him a gazillion things like talking to Abdul. Or maybe start from the fact that he was queer, or that he was transitioning but he stopped. Or maybe that he was sorry for the last time. The gazillion things, that were in his mind-

but alas, he couldn't bring himself to say them.

So with the distance between them, they just looked forward to the only monster in the room, Collins. They didn't know, but soon they would. For now-

it was only three of us that did.

To be continued...