Tore Up (Mississippi Smoke Series Book 1)

As much as I didn’t want to see Bane again, I wasn’t sure I could stay in the small room he’d left me in, staring at the walls any longer. The knowledge that Crosby had been engaged had left me hollow. I hadn’t ever considered something like that. I had gone from thinking he had ghosted me and not wanted me to thinking he had loved me and had been coming to see me, like he’d promised. To finding out I was always going to be his secret. The memories of him, us, were tainted now.

I’d given him my virginity. It hadn’t been planned, but that night, he’d been so sweet and tender. He kissed me and whispered words to me no one had ever said before. I felt beautiful and wanted. The things he made me feel were new and wonderful. I enjoyed everything, even the painful part, because he stared down at me as if I was the most precious thing in the world. But that had all been my interpretation. My being deprived of affection had made me an easy target. It hadn’t taken much to get me naked. Just gave me attention, and I had spread my legs for him almost every time we were together.

I grimaced at the thought, then stood up from the edge of the twin bed I’d been sitting on. I was thirsty, and I needed to do something other than think about this. It would just continue to torment me.

I walked to the door and opened it, but I didn’t go out. I stood there, staring at the other door up here. That was the bathroom. It, like the bedroom, had a slanted ceiling that went all the way down to the floor on one side because of the roofline. I was pretty sure this was part of an attic.

Bane had brought my other things up here and not said one word to me. He’d been angry, but he was always angry with me.

I looked at the stairs, wondering if I would get lost without a guide. He hadn’t shown me where the kitchen was, but my mouth was dry, and although I’d brushed my teeth since I had thrown up, I still felt like I had vomit in my throat.

Deciding that I had to get out of this room regardless, I headed down the stairs, then tried to backtrack the way we had come up. I made my way toward the big room with the television, where I’d met Than earlier. I heard several voices, and it sounded like the television was on. Stopping, I wasn’t sure I should go in there. My introduction to Than had been bad enough. I didn’t think I was up for facing more people who were going to be distraught by my existence.

“Halo,” Than called.

I turned to see him walking up behind me, carrying a plate of food. He smiled at me reassuringly, and I wanted to sigh in relief. He didn’t hate me. At least not yet.

“Hungry? We’ve got a spread in the kitchen.”

I wasn’t hungry, but seeing his plate made my stomach growl. “Um, yeah. I should probably eat.”

“Come on,” he said with a nod and started back in the direction he had come from.

“Is Bane here?” I asked.

“No, he’s still out. Is everything okay?” He glanced back at me, looking concerned.

“I’m fine. I was just … well, I didn’t want to, uh … I mean, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to come out of the room or not.” And I wasn’t up for being yelled at again.

Than stopped and stepped back, waving a hand for me to enter first. “You’re not confined to the bedroom. You can stay down here all you want. Go out to the pool and swim. Whatever you want. Don’t let Bane bully you. This was Crosby’s home too. He would have wanted you here.”

More information I hadn’t known about Crosby. Scanning the luxurious kitchen, I tried to imagine Crosby living here in this house. He’d not said he lived with his brother. When I’d imagined him at home, it wasn’t somewhere like this.

“Crosby lived here?” I asked.

“Yeah. You didn’t know that?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I knew as much about him as I thought I did.”

“Bane; me; my older brother, Ransom; Oz, who is Bane’s best friend because no one else can put up with his mean ass; and his brother, Forge, all live here.”

I stared at him, wide-eyed. “Wow. That’s a lot of, uh, guys.”

He grinned. “Oz is with Bane, but Ransom and Forge are in the great room. I’ll introduce you once you get a plate.” He pointed to the long bar filled with trays of food. “The cheeseburgers are fucking awesome, the next tray is grilled chicken sandwiches, and then you have the obvious fried pickles, fries—oh, and those right there are deep-fried jalapeños, stuffed with cheese. They’ve got a kick, so if you don’t like spicy, I’d skip that. There is salad, but I have no idea why. Actually, the grilled chicken was a surprise too. That’s a buffalo chicken dip—another spicy alert—and the chips to go with it. Not sure what the celery sticks are all about. Another weird item we never order. But help yourself.”

I walked over and picked up one of the chicken sandwiches.

“What do you like to drink? Name it, and we will have it,” Than said to me.

“Milk?” I asked. I had been craving that a lot lately. Before pregnancy, I’d only had milk in my cereal.

He nodded. “Ice or no ice?”

Scrunching my nose, I looked at him. “Who puts ice in milk?”

He chuckled. “No ice. Got it.”

I took a few fried pickles, got some salad, then picked up several of the celery sticks. Than brought me a tall, frosted clear mug of milk.

He inspected my plate, then smirked. “I get the new additions now. It’s girl food. He’s an ornery bastard, but he’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Let’s go.”

He started for the door, and I followed behind him, realizing he had been talking about Bane. He’d ordered the healthier options for me? I found that hard to believe. But then the baby being Crosby’s must have had him thinking about its health. Not about me.

We drew closer to the voices, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go in there.

“I don’t want to intrude and make everyone uncomfortable,” I told him.

He looked back at me over his shoulder. “Don’t judge the rest of us by Bane. He is one of a kind, I promise.”

That was a relief, but that wasn’t what I had been thinking. “Who will you tell them I am?”

“They know who you are. That’s been handled.”

There was some relief to that.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out before I walked in behind Than to the room.

“All right, guys, here she is,” Than said, and the two men on the sectional turned to look at me.

I already knew which one was which because Than’s brother was just a slightly older version of him. He had more facial hair, his eyes were hazel instead of blue, and his hair wasn’t as messy.

“That’s my brother, Ransom,” he told me.

Then, he pointed to the younger guy with almost-curly, dark blond hair, which was cut short on the sides with a little bit of length on top. His green eyes met mine, and the corner of his mouth lifted. He seemed friendlier. Ransom hadn’t been rude or anything, but there was a hard edge to him.

“And that’s Forge,” Than told me.

Forge glanced at me, then at Than. “I agree with you,” he said, then picked up his burger.

Who was he talking to? Agree with who?

Ransom cut his eyes to Forge, then back to me. “It definitely makes more sense now.”

Than groaned almost silently, then looked back at me. “Sorry. Ignore them. I promise all that shit was positive. Come sit down.”

This was what I hadn’t wanted to do. Eat in front of strangers who were judging me. And it felt like these two were doing just that.

If I was going to live here for a while, then I had to adjust and get over this. I put my milk on the coffee table, then sat on the sofa. Than took a place a few inches away from me, as if he was there for support. I appreciated it.

I turned my attention to the television to see they were watching horse racing. I’d never watched that before. I took a bite of my sandwich and hoped everyone’s attention was back on the race.

Forge let out a deep chuckle, and I glanced at him. He was grinning as he watched the race. “Why am I not surprised the kid’s horse just won that race?”

I turned my attention back to the screen.

“Because he’s a Hughes,” Ransom replied. “If the boss is gonna buy his son a horse, it is gonna be a fucking winner.”

“Why the hell did Stellan race one of his horses in this one if a Hughes horse was in it?” Forge asked.

“It’s not one they’re keeping. Sebastian said they intended to sell it, and this was just a way to showcase its potential,” Than told him.

I continued to eat while they talked about the race and Demigod, the horse that had won. Apparently, this race had happened earlier today, and Than already knew who had won, but the others hadn’t seen it yet. They seemed to know a lot about horse racing. I knew that Crosby had worked at stables that had racehorses, but I hadn’t been aware they all did. Horse racing seemed important to them.

“Stolen should have been there for this next one,” Than said beside me, sounding almost angry.

“Don’t start that,” Ransom told his brother. “Fender and Bane are grieving.”

I listened as I ate small bites of my salad. I didn’t know who Fender was, but I knew this conversation was now about Crosby’s death.

“He would have wanted his horse to race,” Than replied. “I would have gone. They didn’t have to.”

“Let it go, man,” Forge told him.

Were they saying Crosby had a horse?

I looked at Than, who was glaring at the television.

“Moses Mile has a horse in this one,” Ransom added.

“And Stolen would have fucking smoked them all. Even the Houstons’ new winner,” Than grumbled. Then, his eyes shifted to me, and his hard expression softened some. “Crosby’s horse was supposed to be in this race.”

Wow. Okay, so Crosby had owned a horse. Weren’t those expensive? Had Bane bought him one?

“I knew he worked at a stable, but I didn’t know he had a horse,” I admitted.

Than swung his gaze toward the others, as if unsure of what to say to me.

Ransom cleared his throat, drawing my attention to him. His eyebrows lowered and drew together slightly. “How much did you know about Crosby?” he asked.

If he had asked me this yesterday, I’d have thought I knew everything. We had spent hours talking about our lives. I’d asked him questions about his. But now … now that I knew he’d lived in a house like this and had a fiancée … I realized I hadn’t known much and what I had known wasn’t the truth.

I lifted my shoulders a little, then looked down at my plate. “I’m not sure anymore.”

There was silence for several moments.

“Do you know his last name?” Ransom asked.

I nodded but realized if I found out he’d lied about that, I wasn’t sure I could keep it together. The guy I’d thought I knew was fading away with every new fact I found out about him.

“Cash,” I said slowly, hoping that was it.

He gave me a small smile. “So, you do know who his family is then.”

I glanced at all three of them to find their eyes on me, waiting for me to say something, but I wasn’t sure what he meant by that statement.

“Uh, no. I never met them, if that’s what you mean.”

Ransom shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I know you never met them. But you know who they are, right? The last name Cash is well known in the area. Especially here in Madison.”

I licked my lips nervously. This felt like I was being given a pop quiz and failing. “I, uh, I don’t live in Madison. I live in Jackson.”

Ransom leaned back as he continued to study me. “Even in Jackson, I’d think you’d know who the Cashes are.”

I looked around the room and managed a small smile I didn’t feel. “I, uh … no.”

Forge let out a low whistle. “Damn.”

“Crosby didn’t just work at a stable,” Than told me.

“You might want to leave this for Bane,” Ransom interrupted him.

Than shot a challenging look at his brother. “Why? Because he’s so fucking friendly? He’s barely spoken to her.”

“Bane isn’t nice on a good day,” Ransom replied. “He has a reason to be the way he is right now though. Respect that.”

“Crosby was my best friend. Don’t tell me what the fuck to respect. Just like I know he’d want his horse in that goddamn race today, the last word out of his mouth was Halo, so that means she was important to him.”

I clenched the plate tightly in my hands as I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t known that. He had said my name. Anguish rushed in, wiping out the bitterness that had begun to fester like a wave crashing onto the shore. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath.

“I assumed you knew that, but then this is Bane we are talking about. Guess he didn’t tell you that either,” Than said to me.

Controlling my emotions the best I could, I opened my eyes and looked back at him. “No, he didn’t.”

Than looked as if he wasn’t sure what to say to me. If he should be apologetic or not.

“Crosby was the youngest son of Fender Cash, the owner of Cash Ranch. It’s the largest thoroughbred stables in Mississippi. Not only that, but the Cashes are connected to important people. Powerful people. They own a lot of things. Crosby was driving his grandfather’s old truck that Fender keeps at the stables to see you. That wasn’t his truck, and Crosby wasn’t shoveling horse shit. He was working with racehorses. The buying and selling.”

I sat there, unable to respond. Realization that not only had he been engaged, but it had been to someone from that world, a life of wealth and privilege, and that he had started this thing he had with me to be just a sidepiece. He knew I wouldn’t fit into that life. I had been his walk on the wrong side of the tracks, and he’d accidentally gotten me pregnant.

“You didn’t know any of that, did you?” Than asked me.

I shook my head, unable to look up from my half-eaten sandwich. Humiliation burned in my gut. Bane’s murderous rage hadn’t been because he was some psychopath. He had the safety of his family’s name to seek his revenge. To make my brother pay for taking his brother’s life.

Standing up, I managed to glance at Than while holding my plate close to me. “I, uh … I’m gonna go back upstairs,” I told him, then grabbed my milk and hurried from the room.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know more about my baby’s father. What I did know was that I couldn’t stay here. He’d never wanted me in this part of his life, and I didn’t want to be anywhere else I wasn’t wanted. I would figure it out. Now that I no longer had to worry about Bane coming to murder me in my sleep, I could focus on getting a job. Finding somewhere to live. Building a life that was secure to bring my child into.