Proof: Chapter 31
“Cass?”
The sound of JJ’s voice was like a balm for all the wounds that were being carved into my body from the inside out. I had no idea how much time had passed since I’d last seen JJ, but I didn’t care.
He was here.
I knew what I must’ve looked like to JJ. I’d seen it in the eyes of the terrified people in the surgery’s waiting room when I’d entered and sought out the corner closest to the door. Even if I could have explained why I was sitting on my ass covered in blood-stained clothes, I wouldn’t. I barely understood it myself.
JJ would get it, though.
“Cass,” he repeated as his warm body settled against mine. I could feel when his fingers wrapped around mine, but I couldn’t return the embrace.
“Charlie?” I asked.
“Awake and happy. His nanny is with him,” JJ said gently.
I wasn’t sure if I managed a nod. I’d been with Charlie up until the children’s hospital ER doctors had assured me my little brother was going to be okay and then someone, Boone maybe, had driven me to the hospital where my father had already been in surgery.
“My father,” I began but then shook my head.
“I know, baby,” JJ said as he pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “I talked to the doctor. He’s holding his own, though, Cass. And remember, the longer we go without hearing from the surgeons, the longer your father is fighting.”
“SaDa,” I whispered brokenly. “I’ve been replaying things in my head, and I don’t know why it took me so long to remember…”
“Remember what? Do you know what SaDa means?”
I nodded. “I used to call my father that when I was really little. He’d come to see me at night sometimes so he could tuck me in. I was a little younger than Charlie. SaDa. Sad Dad,” I said softly. JJ’s arm went around my shoulders. Warmth began to penetrate my icy skin as he pulled me against his side. “I couldn’t pronounce sad dad, so I shortened it. I… I think I used to call him DaDa when I first started talking.”
“And you changed it when your dad seemed sad?”
I nodded again. “It was all the time. He’d be smiling and sometimes he’d read me a story, I think. Or tell me one, I’m not sure. He always sounded sad, though.”
“Did he call you buddy?” JJ asked.
I smiled both at the name and because JJ had already been putting the pieces together on his own when we’d been in my father’s office. It wasn’t until he’d used the name O’Shauneys that I’d finally understood the message both my father and my lover had been trying to send me without alerting the person on the other side of the hidden camera. Sully, JJ and even myself had called Sully and JJ’s father Sean Ferguson as ‘Pops’ and the Scottish man had never once strayed from the little Scottish pub near their house. I’d been there a few times with all three men and it sure as shit hadn’t been called O’Shauneys.
“Yeah,” I said. “My grandad used to call me that too. But only when my grandmother wasn’t around.”
The mere mention of my grandmother brought back a flood of memories. “All those things she told me when I was little, I just believed her. Even when I knew some of it didn’t make sense, I believed everything she said. But when I look back on it now, I don’t know how I could have been so blind,” I admitted.
“Sully’s been doing some digging,” JJ said. “Do you want to hear what he’s found out so far?”
“Yes. But can I tell you something first so you won’t worry so much about me?”
JJ laughed. It was a harsh, sob-filled laugh. It was proof that he was as traumatized by the whole experience as I was. “Yeah, okay,” he said, his voice cracking a bit.
“I love you so much, JJ. I love that you protected me today even though I acted like I didn’t need it. I love that you fought your pain so you could be with me.”
“You caught that, huh?”
“That’s what we do, right? We watch out for each other,” I said simply.
“Yes, we do,” JJ murmured. His lips were against my temple, so when he spoke, it was like he was brushing a kiss over my skin.
“On that roof, you did what I needed you to do. You saved Charlie,” I said. “You knew what needed to be done. I didn’t know how to tell you to do it, but you knew.”
“I killed your grandmother, Cass,” JJ said in a harsh whisper. His reaction didn’t surprise me.
I straightened so I could look him in the eye. “That woman was not my grandmother. I’ve never had a grandmother,” I said firmly. “You took the life of someone who didn’t exist… who never existed. I’m not mourning the loss of her. I’m mourning the loss of everything she took from me. Things I can never have back. People I’ll never know. The truth about so many things that died with her. She couldn’t take you, though. She couldn’t take Charlie. And I hope like hell she didn’t take my father. But no matter what happens, it’s still us. We’re here and we’re still us and always will be. No compartmentalizing, no living lies, no running or escaping.”
JJ’s mouth covered mine. The kiss was sweet and brief, but I’d needed it. Based on the way he was looking at me, he had too.
“Tell me what you know,” I said.
“I can only give you the facts that we know so far. Hopefully we’ll be able to fill in the blanks at some point.”
I nodded in understanding. My father was pretty much the only one who could fill in those blanks, so if he didn’t make it, much of the past would be lost forever. JJ had figured out how to live with the loss of time, so with him by my side, I could figure out how to do the same.
“From the records Sully’s been digging through, everything was in your gran—her name. She greased enough palms before and after your grandfather died to make sure his legal will never surfaced and that she got everything. She controlled the purse strings when it came to just about everyone in your family, including your father. She was the one running your family’s businesses, not your father.”
“She had her very own marionette collection,” I murmured.
This time when JJ’s lips brushed against my temple, it was a true kiss. “One of those dolls was the police chief. Between him, the DA, and your public defender, they made sure there was enough falsified evidence against you to ensure those four convictions. The only flaw came when the officer who was supposed to log the so-called evidence fucked up the paperwork. Your attorney had the right to review all the evidence and receive all the records related to your arrest. Since he was in on the whole thing, he never filed a motion for discovery. He literally never looked at any of the evidence and everything he said in court was rehearsed. When Sully hired Asa Hutch to review your case, he found the technicality. The chief of police admitted that Patricia ordered him to falsify the evidence.”
“Jesus,” I muttered in disbelief. “She must have spent millions to keep her secrets.”
“Try tens of millions,” JJ responded. “Whoever she couldn’t buy off or tried to extort her for more money conveniently disappeared. Renly helped her keep her hands clean. He served in the British Army as…”
“A sniper,” I supplied.
“He was also ex-MI6, British Foreign Intelligence. He met her when she and your grandfather traveled to the UK to meet with potential investors for Ashby Capital Group. Their affair began while she was still married, and Renly pretty much became her lapdog.”
I sighed. “So chances are if she lied about everything, that means my grandfather wasn’t the cruel man she painted him to be,” I said with a shake of my head. “He was always nice to me, you know? We spent so much time at the cabin but there was always this cloud of sadness that seemed to hang over him. Just like my father was when I was so little. I thought those memories were just dreams.”
I considered how my father had ignored me or been cruel to me when I was a child. “She was trying to shove a wedge between the three of us. My grandfather, my father, and me. If she treated my father the same way she did me when I was growing up, he would have hated his father.” I scrubbed my face with my hands because I still couldn’t believe it was all true. “My grandfather protected his son as best he could, and my father protected me the only way he knew how.”
“They both loved you, Cass. I don’t need a file or report to tell me that,” JJ said.
I nodded. “Is there anything else?”
“The only other thing we managed to dig up was the police report your father filed. Just like you, your gran—she—got custody of Charlie when he was a couple of years old. Your father filed a missing persons report because she wouldn’t let him see Charlie. He was hoping it would ultimately force her to give Charlie back. The chief made it disappear, but Patricia had no idea how much of the file I’d seen and when she realized you and I were seeing each other, she—”
“She had Renly shoot you and cover it by killing the agent and the witnesses.”
“Sully thinks the cop who was on his way to relieve me, the one whose squad car got hit by the dump truck, was never supposed to arrive because Renly or whoever he hired to shoot me needed to be the one who relieved me.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “They couldn’t have done all this alone.”
“It’s going to take a while to figure things out,” JJ admitted.
“All of it for what? Power? Financial and political power? What the hell did she need me, Dad, and Charlie for?”
“She needed the Ashby name. Without it, she was nobody,” he responded.
JJ rested his head on my shoulder. All the crap that had been roaring like a twister in my brain dissipated, though I knew it would be back. I wouldn’t store it all away, but I couldn’t expect to find one easy answer either. The one constant in my life that I’d never have to question was sitting right next to me.
“Mr. Ashby?”
We jumped to our feet. The doctor who’d called my name had on surgeon scrubs. I linked my fingers with JJ’s and closed my eyes for a moment so I could just hold on to him and nothing else.
He made me stronger.
He made me safer.
He made me better.
No matter what words the surgeon would speak, we’d be okay. Whether it be joy or devastation, we’d feel it together. We’d figure out how to move forward. We’d deal with all the secrets, lies, and truths that lay ahead of us.
We.
Us.
I knew it would be like that forever, and if one of those boxes in my head tried to convince me otherwise, all I’d need to do was look down because the proof would be in my hand.
Just like it was now.
Just like it always would be.