Proof (Targes Executive Protection Book 1)

What am I doing?

That was the question I kept asking myself as I started slowly pulling my clothes off while Cass watched me with unveiled desire.

All the confidence I’d had as I’d repeatedly told Cass to shut up throughout the course of getting him off the kitchen floor and moving him to the only bathroom in the cabin was wavering quickly.

I could have easily told Cass to get in the shower and left him there so he could let the hot water soothe his stiff muscles, but every time I’d told myself that was exactly what I’d do, I’d done the opposite.

The fact was, I wanted him.

Badly.

I’d been wanting him from the moment he’d kissed me on that quiet canyon road. Despite all the humiliation I’d had to deal with each time he’d put his mouth on mine, my body had been and still was starved for his touch.

My mind had been fighting all those encounters and had passed them off as nothing more than a biological reaction, one that I’d had no control over. It had all been bullshit.

That fact had been strikingly apparent when I’d woken up on the kitchen floor, my upper body cradled in Cass’s arms.

I hadn’t remembered much about the night before other than the blinding pain in my head that had left me completely helpless. At the time I’d been certain that my brain had finally decided to call it quits and give in to the damage left behind, but once again, my eyes had opened, and I was thrust back into a reality I wasn’t sure I even wanted anymore.

It had taken me a while to get my bearings. One of the first things I’d seen had been an array of blurry images and black lines and curves. I might not have been able to see clearly, but I had been pretty sure what they were. The first thing I’d felt had been even better: strong, warm fingers gently pressed against the spot where my throat met my shoulder. What I already knew to be a broad chest had been the pillow for my right cheek but there’d been no skin to revel in, just the soft material of a well-worn shirt.

Cass’s shirt.

Cass’s fingers.

Cass’s broad chest.

Despite the lingering pain in my head, I’d taken a moment to run my fingers over the denim-clad thigh my hand had been resting on. I’d assumed Cass was awake, but he hadn’t stirred.

I’d said his name softly, but there’d been no response beyond the up-and-down movement of his chest.

After repeating his name again, along with giving him a little shake, fear had taken over and I’d tried to extricate myself from his hold. That had been the only time he’d seemed to react to my presence because he’d tightened his arms around me—not enough to feel like he was trying to keep me imprisoned but more like he was content to have me stay where I was.

The little whimper that had escaped his lips had told me that he wasn’t just faking sleep so he could keep me where I was. It’d been a whimper of pain.

At that point, I’d started the painstaking process of getting myself out of his arms so I could take stock of any injuries Cass might have had, maybe from his walk the night before. It was only when I’d stiffly climbed to my feet that I’d realized what the problem was.

Cass had been kneeling on the floor instead of sitting on it. With me wrapped in his arms and my lower body draped over his thighs, he had likely been stuck in that position the entire night. I’d been using his larger body as a pillow while he’d been on his knees. Thankfully, he’d lowered his ass so it was resting on the backs of his legs, but I wondered why he hadn’t shifted his body into a different position so he’d be more comfortable.

I’d been horrified at the thought of Cass being forced to remain in the uncomfortable position all night because of me.

Then I’d realized he hadn’t been forced to hold me.

Cass had chosen to hold me in his arms all night.

He’d chosen to maintain a position that would offer him no comfort but would ensure mine, probably because he hadn’t wanted to risk moving me any more than he already had.

Cass had chosen to use his body to bring mine relief.

The man had been a Marine for a large chunk of his adult life, so he understood what it meant to be holed up in the same position for hours at a time, but I doubted any of those had been the kind of position he’d put himself in to protect me. At any point after he’d fallen asleep, his arms could have relaxed to the point that I would have slipped from his hold, but that hadn’t happened. He’d kept me in his arms the entire time. After I’d woken up, he’d been whispering my name, then he’d been calling out to me. I hadn’t understood everything he’d said, but it hadn’t mattered.

The way he’d said it had mattered.

Between Cass instinctively holding me all night and having disturbing dreams about me, the fog that had been mulling about inside my head had lifted.

It had changed something inside of me.

Although I’d ordered Cass around after waking him up, I’d been unsure of my plan. It wasn’t until we’d reached the top landing of the staircase that the strands of self-doubt had begun to wrap themselves throughout my brain.

I could have just as easily gotten Cass undressed and helped him into the shower, but I hadn’t been able to let go, especially once I’d had the proof I needed that he hadn’t wanted me to go anywhere.

After that, I hadn’t cared about the consequences of my actions. Everything was going to change anyway, so why not take this one moment for myself and pretend I could be everything Cass was looking for?

Once I’d given myself permission to not think and just feel, I’d tormented Cass in a way I never thought would have been possible. The larger, naturally dominant man had been fully under my control. He could have easily chosen not to be. If he’d taken me in his arms and kissed me, I would have happily relinquished all the power I’d seemed to have over him.

But he had let me have control.

It was an addictive thing, to have another person willingly give up their power because of nothing more than trust. To control their physical responses to an intimate touch here and a softly spoken promise there.

Watching Cass now as he stiffly climbed into the shower, I debated whether I was doing the right thing. The man had already given me so much of himself. Did I really want to take advantage of his vulnerability?

The look in Cass’s eyes when he turned around was answer enough. True, his lids were heavy, but the stark need in his gaze was impossible to miss. His dick was further proof of what he wanted. He hadn’t stepped into the spray of the water yet, so I could see the pre-cum leaking from the head of his dick and sliding down the shaft. The shaft he was slowly stroking.

Selfish asshole that I was, all I could think about was my lips opening to welcome that thick cock. I wanted to feel every throbbing vein that ran the length of it. I wanted to swallow it so far down my throat that I’d feel the wiry hair at his groin against my nose. I’d feel his balls slapping against my skin as he fucked my face. I’d drink down every drop of his release and I’d keep my eyes locked with his the whole time.

My self-doubt chose that exact moment to once again strike.

Why would Cass want me? Sure, he might have been physically attracted to me at one point, but then he’d found me in a trash-filled alley, on my hands and knees, waiting to get fucked from each end by two men whose names I hadn’t known or even cared about. I really was the cock slut that most of the men at the club had always called me. I didn’t know how to kiss, but I was a pro when it came to deepthroating whatever dick was pushed past my lips.

Why would Cass want someone like that? He could do better. He deserved better.

“Turn around,” I said softly. Tears stung the backs of my eyes when Cass didn’t hesitate to do as I said. With the constant voice in my head reminding me what the limits of this encounter needed to be, I stepped into the shower and put my hands above Cass’s hips so I could urge him to stand beneath the spray of the hot water.

It was a tight fit when I moved behind him so I could massage his shoulders and neck. Keeping my dick from rubbing against Cass’s ass was next to impossible, but every time I wanted to push my hard flesh forward to increase the contact, I reminded myself of who I really was.

Cass let out a soft groan as I continued to massage him. I spotted a small bottle of shower gel along with a similarly sized bottle of shampoo on the edge of the tub.

The size of the bottles made my stomach drop out as I realized they didn’t need to be any larger because Cass didn’t plan on us being at the cabin for very long.

I forced myself to grab the shower gel and put a generous amount in my hands. Washing Cass’s body was heaven and hell. I smoothed out his muscles as much as I could but when my hands reached his backside, I faltered. It was only when Cass gently pressed his forehead against the side of the shower that I knew I had to keep going. What I was doing made him feel good.

That was enough of a reason to continue even if I was also taking pleasure in the act myself.

I’d never actually topped another guy because my body had always craved the idea of being filled and I’d never really questioned it. Now, though, as I massaged the tight globes of Cass’s ass, new desires were making it harder and harder to remember why I needed to keep my hands moving.

“JJ,” Cass said softly… hungrily. He let out a thick moan and repeated my name, though he didn’t turn around. I didn’t need to look down to know that my cock was dripping pre-cum which the water was washing away as quickly as it leaked out of me.

“Am I hurting you?” I automatically asked.

Cass nodded, but before I could even give in to the distress of knowing I was causing him pain, he pressed back against my hand.

Or fingers, rather.

In my haze of lust, I hadn’t even realized that my hands had gone from massaging his ass to having several fingers of one hand sliding along his crease.

“Fuck,” I said as a wave of need washed over me.

What the hell was I doing? The man needed me to take care of him like he’d taken care of me. If he’d only stop making those sounds as he put more pressure on my hand. Logic was nowhere in sight, so I let two of my fingers slip into his crack. I slowly slid them up and down but never let them linger on Cass’s asshole.

“JJ, please,” Cass said after a throaty moan. I was momentarily jolted from reality because it felt like I’d heard those same words spill from his lips but spoken in a different way.

The two words in my head had been spoken in desperation, but not the kind that came from the need for sexual relief.

No, the desperation had been the kind that stemmed from fear.

The sudden shift in thought was enough of a reminder of what I was doing and why I shouldn’t be doing it.

Cass was exhausted and if he fell, he could be seriously injured, and I’d have no way of getting him help.

I eased my hand from his crease and swiftly but gently worked my way down the rest of his body until soap was sliding down the hair on his calves and disappearing into the drain. It took everything in my power not to focus on the fact that my position had me practically eye level with his ass. I could also see the shadow of his balls through his slightly spread legs.

I quickly stood up.

“I need to do the front,” I said shakily. How the hell was I going to do this?

Cass turned. He leaned heavily against the wall that was now at his back.

“I think I’m good now, JJ. Just give me a couple minutes and I’ll get out of your way.”

The statement caught me off guard. If he could have forced his cock to match the lack of desire in his voice, he probably would have. It was his eyes that couldn’t hold the lie. They didn’t match the disinterest in his voice.

Cass was giving me an out.

He was giving me an out that would ensure all the awkwardness and regret would be minimal the next time we saw each other. We wouldn’t have to talk about any of it. I wouldn’t have to analyze my feelings or try to come up with some explanation for my actions.

“I need to do the front,” I repeated shakily. The mere idea of stepping out of the shower made it feel like acid was burning me from the inside out.

I couldn’t take Cass’s offered opportunity to escape. I didn’t want to. If I did, I might as well have been back in that alley letting one guy after another use my body so I wouldn’t have been forced to think or feel.

Heat that had nothing to do with the water crawled up my neck. Cass had turned the tables on me without even trying. I didn’t give him a chance to protest. Instead, I stared at his chest and let my hands move on their own. Instinct was driving my physical connection with Cass, but my brain was at war with itself. I knew he was watching me. Studying me. Reading me.

I didn’t want to be read.

I didn’t want Cass to know how badly I wanted to keep going despite knowing I shouldn’t. I wanted him to choose. I wanted him to pick the JJ he saw standing in front of him and not the JJ who was too weak-minded to find some better way to deal with his shortcomings than letting strangers fuck him in dirty alleys.

Cass was physically weaker than usual at the moment, but he wasn’t helpless. He’d had no problem pushing me away in his motel room when things had gotten out of hand.

The difference was that I needed to make the choice this time. I’d have to choose whether this was the course I wanted to follow.

I’d given away my ability to make choices every time I’d walked through the door of Tank’s club. I didn’t have that luxury this time because Cass was nothing like the men from Tank’s. He wouldn’t let me casually throw away the decision to be with him or not.

I wanted to laugh because I’d made my choice the moment I’d woken up in his arms this morning.

But still…

God, I still wanted to hear the words. I needed to hear them from him.

“Say it, Cass,” I whispered as my fingers explored the muscles of his abdomen. “Please⁠—”

“Fuck, JJ, I need you,” he cut in. I glanced up to see his eyes staring heavenward as if he was asking God for forgiveness. When he looked down, his eyes held mine in a way that I couldn’t have looked away from even if I’d tried. His sapphire eyes were haunted with longing and despair. “Missed you so much,” he added and then he was pulling me forward. His mouth covered mine before I could respond or even process his words.

The kiss was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. My entire life had been about fulfilling the expectations of others, whether it was making my dad proud or behaving perfectly for Sully so I wouldn’t be such a burden to him. I’d always had to follow through on being the right version of JJ to the right people in my life.

Perfect son who did his dad proud by becoming the cop Sean Ferguson had never been able to be.

Perfect little brother who’d stolen his big brother’s dreams without even knowing it.

Perfect cop who stopped the bad guys.

Perfect patient who’d come back from his injuries despite the murmured whispers that he wouldn’t.

After all that, perfect was the last thing I’d been.

Cass had only seen me when I was anything but perfect and yet he kissed me like I was the most beautiful, perfectly imperfect man he’d ever known.

I once again tossed logic aside and went with what my body wanted.

What my heart wanted.

I couldn’t stop the little cry of relief that escaped me as Cass’s lips moved over mine. I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck and then slid them up into his slick hair. My other hand was stuck between our bodies, but I didn’t even try to move it. Our dicks were mashed up against each other too.

Need wrapped around me, causing my whole body to draw up tight. Cass’s hands were nowhere near my dick. In fact, he was holding my face as he claimed my mouth.

It made absolutely no difference. I was going to come anyway. I could already feel my balls drawing up tight. I’d masturbated plenty of times, and I’d come once or twice with my high school boyfriend who’d been more of a fuck buddy than anything else, but never in my life would I have thought it possible to come without the benefit of fingers wrapped around my dick.

All it was taking was a soul-stealing kiss and gentle fingers cherishing me like I was the most beautiful thing that existed.

I was so caught up in my own haze of need that I wasn’t sure if Cass was also racing toward the finish line. I got my answer when he spun us around so that my back was against the wall of the shower. He grabbed my ass and lifted me enough that our dicks were level. I automatically lifted one leg to make room for his body to become flush with mine. He began thrusting against me as if he were really fucking me. Shivers of delight claimed me every time Cass’s slick cock slid along my own.

With one hand now on the leg I’d lifted, Cass managed to keep us in the same position. He slapped his free hand on the wall next to my head for more leverage and began pounding his hips against mine. The friction of our shafts sliding over each other made something deep inside me start to tighten. It was like firmly holding a coil of string in one hand while the other slowly dragged the line out of the coil. The coil grew tighter and tighter every time the hand pulled at the string.

That was what it was like with every one of his powerful thrusts.

“Cass,” I cried out as the pressure inside of me continued to build. I reached one hand up to wrap around the wrist of the hand he had on the wall and slid the other hand down to grab his ass. I palmed one of his tight globes in an effort to urge him to fuck me harder.

Deeper.

Without warning, both of Cass’s hands grabbed my ass so he could pin me to the wall. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips and shoved the hand I had on the wall against the smooth material as best as I could. I was helpless as the coil tightened.

I was so close to the edge.

Too close.

“JJ,” Cass groaned in desperation just before his mouth covered mine in a savage kiss.

“Open your eyes,” I demanded as I tipped Cass’s head up, breaking the kiss.

He was losing himself.

To me.

The proof was in his beautiful sapphire eyes.

I wanted to hold on to the moment forever, but my body wasn’t going to allow it. Neither was his. Like me, Cass was hovering right on the edge. His fingers wound through my wet hair and his mouth slammed down on mine again. He grunted and moaned even as he kissed me.

“Come with me,” he urged between kisses as he pounded against me.

“I am, baby,” I assured him before another thrust momentarily stole my breath. I slid my fingers into his hair and pressed my forehead against his. “You’re inside me, Cass. So fucking deep inside me. I can feel it everywhere,” I breathed.

“Fuck,” Cass growled and then his lips covered mine again, and with a couple of twists of his hips as he slammed into me, it was the beginning of the end. The strain on the coil inside of me broke. A rush of sensation like I’d never known flooded me. My body drew up tight in the most blissful kind of agony as cum began to spew from my dick. I shouted when all the pressure inside of me collided and then sent me flying. I was dimly aware of Cass’s mouth resting against mine as he thrust against me a few more times and then he was shouting out in relief. He kept jerking against me as he found his own release.

I would have loved to see what he looked like when he came but I was too busy riding my own high. There was nothing peaceful or quiet about it. It was color and light. It was warm and cool. It stole my breath only to renew itself as each wave of bliss rolled over me.

I had no idea how long it took for reality to return to me, but when it did, I found myself in the same position I’d been in, only now I had Cass’s big chest pressed against mine. His mouth was resting on my collarbone, so I could feel his heavy breaths sawing in and out of him. Despite the cooling water from the shower, the liquid covering our dicks was hot and slick. I could feel every jerk of his body as another wave of sensation hit him.

I’d done that to him. I’d given him that. There was no way that what had just happened between us had been just sex. It was more.

It had to be.

I’d let Cass see things I’d never let anyone else see. I’d given him something I’d never given to anyone else. That meant it had to be more.

Right?

It was a while before Cass’s mouth searched out mine. His kiss was still deep and hungry. It was searching and stealing at the same time.

I never wanted it to end.

The cold water from the shower kept my wish from happening, but Cass’s whispered words against my ear made me not care.

“JJ… my JJ.”

My.

Mine. Such a small word that held so much fucking power.

I was Cass’s and he was mine and that was all that mattered.