His Christmas List: – Naughty Stories For Your Stocking

“What’s that sound?” I glance up to the rearview mirror to see if anything looks out of place.

Thud, thud, thud, I hear it again.

What the hell is going on, the early morning traffic seems to be whizzing by without a care in the world.

Thud, thud, thud.

Wait a minute, is it coming from my car? I glance up to the mirror, it’s getting louder.

Huh?

The thud continues and then my car starts bumping as if I’m running over something. Damn it, it is my car.

I indicate, pull off the road, and get out of my car. I walk around to see the noisy culprit, crap. A flat tire.

“Fuck’s sake, I am not in the mood for this shit.” I bend down to inspect the damage, I can hear the air gushing out, it needs to be changed.

What am I going to do? I scroll through my phone, my finger hovers over my brother’s number, and I hesitate. I know he’ll be busy at work, and the last thing he needs is to come out and do this.

I wonder if I could change it?… I mean, how hard could it be?

Surely I could work it out.

I pop the trunk and pull up the lining to reveal the tire and tool kit.

Right….

I take out the instructions and quickly read them, okay, sounds easy enough, I can do this.

I get the tool kit and lay it on the ground beside the car and then look at the huge ass tire as it fits snugly into its hidey-hole.

It’s such an awkward size to try and lift from this angle. I stretch my arms wide and grab the tire, I lift and lift…. And using all my might, it moves an inch.

Shit.

I brace my stomach and lean right over and secure my hands underneath the wheel.

Beep beep…. A car horn sounds as it flies past. Beep, beep.

“Fuck off,” I mutter, wearing black gym tights and a pale pink sports bra top. What must I look like from behind with my ass in the air?

In my defense, I wasn’t expecting this to happen when I rushed out the door to the gym at five this morning, now in hindsight I should have worn a T-shirt or something.

I struggle and struggle and, damn it, I’m working up a sweat here.

Who knew that tires were so heavy? Those mechanics must be buff, they make it look so easy.

I pull on the tire some more, “Come out.” I grunt, I put my foot up on the car to try and get some leverage.

Beep, beep, another car horn sounds as it flies by.

“Fuck. Off,” I snap, I’m getting infuriated now.

Seriously…. just how weak am I? I can’t even get a damn tire out of a trunk. I thought all the gym visits would have at least equipped me to get a fucking tire out of the trunk. I wipe the sweat from my brow and struggle some more. “Seriously, come out, you motherfucker!” I yell.

“Need some help?” A deep voice asks from beside me.

I glance up to see a policeman standing there in full uniform.

He’s tall and big, scary looking.

Fuck.

“Ahh….” I wince, oh no…. did he just hear me cussing like a sailor?

“Those tires can be real motherfuckers,” he says amused.

Yep…. he heard me alright.

I stand up embarrassed, “Oh I’m sorry, it’s just……” I can feel myself going red, one for swearing, two for wearing next to nothing, and three…. this damn cop is hot, and I’m a sweaty mess.

“Move aside,” he says.

“It’s fine, I’ve got it.” I cringe, I haven’t, not even close, he’s too attractive for me to look like I just crawled out of a dumpster. I will call my brother after all.

“I said, move aside,” he says all authoritarian-like. He stands over 6ft3 at a guess, built like a truck, and he has light brown hair that has a little curl to it.

Hot.

I move to the side, and he leans over the tire, his forearms are muscular with thick veins coursing down the length of them.

“I was just driving along, and I heard a thumping sound, it scared me,” I splutter.

He glances over his shoulder at me, “Not the context you want to hear a thumping sound, I guess.” He turns back to the tire.

Oh……

My eyes drop down to his tight ass in his perfectly ironed police pants, I pull my sports bra down and my tights up higher, I feel overexposed.

“I was coming back from the gym,” I tell him, trying to explain why I look half undressed.

“Aha.” He keeps fiddling with the tire.

“And I couldn’t get the tire out.”

He passes me a bolt, “Well, you need to unscrew it first.”

I stare at the bolt in the palm of his hand, “Oh.” I feel my face flush with embarrassment.

“Right.” I cringe, kill me now. Am I really this dumb?

He lifts the tire out with ease and lays it down on the ground, he gets the jack out and starts to pump it to lift the car, my eyes drop down to his thick quad muscles that I can see through his pants, hmm…… seriously though.

He’s a policeman.

I snap my eyes away as I remember where I am.

A trace of a smile crosses his face as if he can read my mind.

I pull my sports bra down again, indignant that he’s caught me perving.

“I’m fine from here, thank you.” I tell him.

His eyes come to meet mine, “What’s your name?”

“Zoe.” I wipe the toe of my runners over the dirt to distract myself from his big blue eyes. “What’s yours?”

“Dylan.”

I roll my lips to hide my smile, he has a name and holy hell, it’s hot, hot, hot.

“Well, Zoe, there’s something you should know about me,” he says in his deep raspy voice, he gets onto his knees and looks up at me from the ground, “I always finish what I start.” The air crackles between us.

I bet you do.

“Well…….” My pea brain misfires, “Umm,” I shrug, “That’s good.”

Oh hell…… that’s good?

Seriously, is that the best reply I’ve got, what the hell is wrong with me?

Quick, say something that’s cute and witty.

Mind blank…….. shit!

Okay, it’s better to stay silent than to say something ridiculous, I’ll just keep quiet.

The morning traffic is whizzing by, I can’t take my eyes off him as he removes the bolts and takes the tire off, he lies down onto his back with his knees bent and my eyes linger on his quad muscles that I can see through his pants.

He’s a machine.

Unfortunately, he changes the tire in record speed, and I kind of wish this took all day.

“There you go, Zoe.” He stands, “All done.” He gives me this big, beautiful smile, complete with dimples and a sparkle in his eyes, and my breath catches as we stare at each other. Holy……

Jeez.

“Thank you, Dylan.”

“The pleasure was all mine, ma’am.” He gives me a playful wink.

Okay, what the hell? This cop could be a stripper or something.

“I’m sure changing tires isn’t in your job description.” I smile, grateful for his kindness.

“You would be surprised what’s in my job description.”

Fucking…. is fucking in your job description because I’m quite positive you would excel at it.

We stare at each other again, an unspoken chemistry swirling between us, after a moment I stop with my staring. “Okay, well I better get going. Thank you so much for your help.”

“I’ll give you an escort home.”

“Really not necessary, officer.” I smile.

“Just to make sure the tire is safe,” he adds.

“Oh… okay.”

I get into my car as he watches on, I grip my steering wheel with force, my palms are sweaty and damn, Dylan the Policeman has me all in a fluster. I pull back onto the road and peek up into the rearview mirror to see him pull out after me, a thrill of excitement runs through my blood.

Please tire, fall off again. Explode or something. I dare you.

We drive the five miles back to my house, and I pull into the driveway, he stops the car against the curb and winds down the passenger side window, I get out and walk over to the car and lean down through it, “See, all safe.”

His hand is leaning on top of the steering wheel as he looks over at me, “Your husband is probably wondering where you are.”

I hear my heartbeat in my ears, “No husband.”

“Boyfriend?”

I shake my head. “No……. You?”

He gives me a slow sexy smile, “Neither.”

“Oh.”

“Do you live with roommates or……?” he asks.

“I live alone,” I cut him off.

We stare at each other, as if both waiting for the other to say something.

Ask me out.

His eyes hold mine.

Ask me out.

“Well then,” he eventually replies, “You have a nice day.”

Huh…. he’s going?

I step back from the car.

“I’ll see you around, Miss Zoe,” he replies.

When, when will you see me around? If I had ever seen you before, I wouldn’t have forgotten.

He’s dismissing me, crap, I’ve totally misread the situation.

I step back from the car.

“Thanks again.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”

I turn and walk into my house; I can feel him watching me, and I internally kick myself, why didn’t I look hotter today?

I hear the car start up, damn it, he’s going.

The car stays running and stationary out the front and once inside, I peer through the sheer curtains.

What’s he doing?

Thump, thump, thump sounds my heartbeat in my ears as I imagine him coming and knocking on my door and kissing me like his life depends on it.

I smile as I imagine how random that would be.

Randomly perfect.

But, alas, my naughty dreams are shattered, and I watch on as he slowly drives away.

My shoulders slump, well shit. I let out a deep exhale, that’s the first time I’ve met an attractive man in a long time, and nothing happened.

Not even flirting… well, kind of flirting.

Ugh, what were you thinking fool? He’s a policeman, and he did a good deed, it is his job after all. There was nothing in it.

I glance at my watch, oh crap, with all the tire action, I forgot that I’m meeting Avril for breakfast, I have ten minutes to get ready. I take the stairs two at a time, I better hurry.

“What do you mean he changed your tire?” Avril frowns.

“Just what I said, he changed my tire.”

“Policemen don’t change tires.”

“I know, I thought so too, this one did apparently.”

“Helpful.”

I sip my coffee, “Helpful on the eyes, too.”

Avril smiles, “Really?”

“Ridiculously so.”

“Why didn’t you ask him out?”

“Because he was just being nice and I’m getting back with Rodney.”

“Ugh.” She rolls her eyes, “Rodney is a dick.”

“He’s not a dick, he’s just going through something right now, so we’re taking a break.”

“For six months?” Avril raises her eyebrows, “A break is like a week, Zoe. Six months is a breakup.”

“So, why did he invite me to the wedding next Saturday if we are completely over?”

“Because he doesn’t have a date.”

I roll my eyes, she’s so annoying. “Oh, shut up, he could get plenty of dates. His mom told me he wants me back.”

“His mother wants you back, Rodney has said no such thing.”

“He’s going to ask me to get back together, I can feel it in my waters.”

“Oh, please,” she scoffs. “Why would you even want him to? He breaks your heart and then clicks his fingers, and what, you’re supposed to fall straight back into his arms?”

“We’ve been together for six years, Avril. He was going through something and needed to find himself. Relationships aren’t all rosy, things get hard sometimes, and you need to support your partner through the challenges.”

“He hasn’t been finding himself, he’s been finding out what other vaginas feel like.”

“Not helping,” I snap.

“Besides,” she points at me with her spoon, “is he supporting his partner? What support has he given your poor broken heart?

“Look, I’ve made a promise to myself that if he doesn’t want to talk about recommitting to our relationship at the wedding, then that’s it.”

“What’s it?”

“I’m moving on.”

“With the hot cop?”

I sip my coffee as I let my mind wander to Dylan for a moment. “He felt familiar.”

“Hot familiar?” Avril teases.

“Definitely hot.”

“You should ask him out.”

I smile, wouldn’t that be something? “I don’t have his number even if I wanted to.”

Avril shrugs, “You never know, maybe he’ll pop up again one day.”

“Maybe.” I sip my coffee with a shrug.

But deep down, I know I’ll probably never see him again.

The music is loud, and the cocktails are delicious, the girls and I have had the best time. It’s Saturday night and we’ve been dancing, laughing, and telling lies to poor unsuspecting men. My name is Ursula, and I’m happily married. Avril is now a brain surgeon, and Macey is a stripper; our fake identities are so much more fun than our real ones.

Men are so gullible, or maybe they aren’t and just like the game.

It’s 4 a.m. and we are on our way home in an Uber, the three of us are jammed into the backseat.

“My feet are so screwed.” Macey winces as she takes her shoe off. “I think my pinkie toe is back on the dance floor.”

I giggle and look out the window as the car pulls up to a set of traffic lights.

My eyes roam over the people on the packed sidewalk and then I see him, standing on the curb talking to a group of men. He’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt; he mustn’t be working.

“Dylan.”

“Who?” Avril frowns.

“The hot cop.”

“Where?”

“Just there.” Before I know it, I’m winding down the window. “Dylan,” I call.

He glances up and smiles broadly, he comes bounding out into three lanes of traffic and over to my window. “The beautiful Zoe.” He takes my hand through the window and lifts it to his lips and kisses the back of it. “We meet again, off the clock this time.”

I smile goofily up at the god.

“Holy shit,” Avril slurs. “You’re the cop?”

Dylan’s eyes dance with delight, he knows I’ve told them about him.

“Where are you going?” he asks me, my hand still in his.

“Home,” I gush, seriously this is the hottest man who ever walked the planet.

His eyes dance with mischief, and I can tell he’s been drinking way too much, like me.

“No, you’re not. You’re coming with me.” He tries to open my door, but it’s locked.

“Go away.” The driver tells him.

Dylan smiles. “Come with me.”

“What?” I laugh.

“The night is young. Don’t go home, Princess Zoe.” He leans in through the window so that he’s waist deep into our car and grabs my face, “We didn’t even kiss yet.” He smiles cheekily.

What?

“Did we?”

I’m shocked to silence, is this really happening?

He grabs a handful of my hair and kisses me.

A car horn sounds from behind, and Avril and Macey laugh out loud.

His lips are big and soft and even fuzzy drunk, I feel all tingly.

The traffic lights turn green.

He goes to deepen the kiss, and I pull back, “Dylan.” I laugh, what the hell, he wants to full-on tongue kiss in front of everyone? What must the driver think?

“Get out of the car, Zoe.” He laughs as he holds my face to his, I get the giggles, this is crazy.

“Come with me.” His lips take mine again, “I’ll teach you some mechanical jobs. We can change tires together,” he whispers against my lips, “Look that car over there has a flat.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I scoff.

“It will in a minute.”

I laugh out loud.

He’s so fun.

Car horns sound from the traffic behind us.

“Get out of the car, man.” The Uber driver yells, but Dylan just smiles against my lips; he likes this game too.

Dylan’s friends start pulling him by his legs out of the car. “You’re not going home,” they yell at him.

“She’s coming with us,” he calls as they pull him out, I laugh and then the Uber unexpectedly speeds off.

“Zoe, come back.” I hear him yell after the car, I turn and watch him through the rearview mirror. He’s throwing his arms up in the air as he stares after our speeding car.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Macey whispers. “I can’t believe you didn’t go with him.”

My lips tingle from his kiss, and I turn back to the front, totally frazzled.

“You know, Mr. Uber Driver, that was one of those moments where you shouldn’t have driven off.”

He rolls his eyes, unimpressed. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

My lips tingle as I smile goofily out the window.

I didn’t imagine it.

Monday night.

I roll over and punch the pillow, it’s 3 a.m. and darkness has rolled in. My mind is racing, only this time it’s different, I’m not lying here wondering what Rodney is doing.

I’m thinking about Dylan.

I’m here kicking myself that I didn’t ask him where he lived, or his surname, or get out of that damn Uber and go with him. I hope he doesn’t think I’m not interested, because I am.

Really interested…. and not about flat tires, but about the thick quad muscles he had under those pants.

I get an image of him on his knees looking up at me, I always finish what I start.

I smile into the darkness.

I imagine what it would be like to sleep with a man like him. He’d be strong and rough and ready.

Powerful.

I wonder why he’s single. Was he married, has he had a breakup, or is he a player?

I have a feeling he’s a good guy. The kind of man who looks after his own… maybe it’s the uniform? I smile again at all the possibilities.

Policeman Dylan woke something up in me, something that…. if I’m honest, I haven’t felt in years. Not even with Rodney.

Excitement.

I’m freshly showered and wearing a white cotton nightgown with spaghetti straps. My hair is wet, and I get back to decorating my Christmas tree. I’ve put on the twinkling fairy lights and have all the baubles laid out. I hold up the Christmas Angel and stare at her. My most prized possession, it was the last thing my mother bought me before she passed. She’s white with gold wings, her dress is sparkly, and she’s wearing a halo. As soon as I put her on the tree, I’m reminded that all is well in the world, that I’m okay, and I’ve made it another year without my mum.

This angel is special, no idea why she holds such a powerful significance, but she does.

I put her back into her box and set her to the side, she goes onto the tree last. I get back to my baubles, this year I’m going for a specific theme, the baubles are red and glittery, and the white ones are shiny and white. I’ve even gone all out and bought new red and white cushions for my couch this year.

This place is going to look as Christmassy as fuck, if it’s the last thing I do.

“Knock, knock.” Sounds on the front door. It’s a forceful knock, as if someone is pissed off.

“Knock, knock.” Sounds again.

I frown, who the hell is that?

I go to the front door and peer out the peephole onto my front porch.

Dylan.

What the……

I can’t unlock the door fast enough, and I burst the door open and there he stands, all 6ft3 gorgeous inches of him, he’s in full uniform, and wearing his hat.

“Dylan,” I gasp.

His sexy eyes hold mine and suddenly I remember what I’m wearing. I adjust the spaghetti strap on my nightgown.

“Good evening, ma’am, we’ve had a call reporting that there’s been a disturbance on the premises.”

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise and a smirk flashes across his face.

Huh?

I glance out to the road to see the pickup in my drive, which must be his personal vehicle, I look down to notice he doesn’t have his gun on.

He’s not working.

“Oh.”

“If you’re home alone, I’d like to search the premises,” he says all boss-like.

Excitement screams through my body, and I step aside to play along, “Of course, officer. Please, come in.”

He walks in and looks around, he goes through to the kitchen and as I follow him, I look around my house at what he is seeing for the first time, thank God I cleaned my house today. “What kind of disturbance was called in?” I ask.

“A woman in a white nightdress.” He turns toward me; his eyes drop hungrily down my body.

“She sounds like trouble.” I roll my lips to hide my smile.

“My imagination tells me that she is.”

The air crackles between us.

I have no idea what’s going on, but holy shit, it’s good.

“Do you have any dangerous weapons on your body?” he asks in his powerful police voice.

I want to play along but I also want to laugh out loud.

This is hot!

“Maybe,” I mumble.

“Maybe?” he yells. “Don’t give me a maybe, ma’am. Yes or no, do you have any dangerous weapons on your person?”

I do smile this time, unable to help it.

A smile tugs at his lips too, but he hides it well. “Answer the question.”

“I don’t have to do anything you tell me,” I spit.

In one sharp movement he grabs me, spins me around and pushes me up against the kitchen counter. “Put your hands on the counter and spread your legs.”