Bubble Gum Kisses

**Kapittel 15**

**TRIGGER WARNING**

The following content contains depictions of depression, gore, and violence, which some readers may find disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.

***Vanessa***

***Not once did I know the definition of peace.** Sure, I did know its denotative meaning, but I never once experienced something that I could call as peaceful. Little did I know that peace was something I had years ago that I didn't treasure, and I unknowingly lost it. *

*Had I known that I was in actual peace before, I could have treasured it wholeheartedly and relished it until it lasted. Now, I was left dry, having only remnants of my remaining peace and wrecking turmoil. *

*I was left all painful, crippled, and aching after the accident.*

*I knew letting dad die was unforgivable, and I deserved a lifelong punishment, but it wouldn't be selfish and ask for some slight ease, right? Even just for a little while. Just like right now. *

*I was in the complete dimness. I didn't know whether I was standing or lying down, but it was like I was floating in an unseen vacuum. I could care less about it, though. It was neither warm nor cold, and my senses were all dull and relaxed. I could breathe fine, and there was only nothing but pure emptiness in my mind. It was just mindless leisure. *

*Whatever that was behind this, I didn't care. I was in tranquility, in peace. It had been long since I felt this kind of calmness invigorating in me. I wanted this sensation to last, even just a bit. *

*"Vanessa." I gasped when I suddenly heard someone's familiar voice for my name in the cold darkness. I tried to look around. However, there was nothing but blindness surrounding me. I couldn't see where the voice came from.* *"Vanessa," the familiar voice called again, loud and clear enough that it finally came into my mind who owned it. *

*"Dad?" I tried to say, but it seemed that I could not find myself opening my mouth. That voice just now, it belonged to dad. It had to. I knew it for certain. But I wanted to make sure that it really was him.*

*I looked all over the darkness and saw someone's familiar silhouette shaded in pure white light in one direction. It was dazzlingly bright, but it wasn't bright enough to engulf the area's darkness or hurt my eyes. It seemed to appear to be walking somewhere ahead as what seemed like its arms and legs arms swung back and forth. But what fascinated me was that it wore the shape of someone I had known for a long time. I knew someone who owned that stout figure. It belonged to someone I love and tragically lost. *

*"I want you to remember that I love you, Vanessa, sweetheart," my heart skipped a beat when he told me those words. It really was dad!*

*"Dad, it's you, right?" My heart swelled. I didn't know when I came to my senses, but I felt myself getting up from whatever I was in and running over to his silhouette's direction. I wanted to run to him. I wanted to reach him, to touch him, to hug him. Oh, how I wanted to engulf my arms around him and cry how much I missed him. *

*"Please tell your mom and your brother that I love them so much," his voice continued, and he began to get farther that it seemed impossible to reach him. No!*

*"Where are you going? Please take me with you!" I shouted and ran faster. Please don't go, dad!*

*"Always keep in mind that the three of you are my life," he continued to say in a voice of lower volume, and his figure had gone increasingly distant that it had gone smaller. But I must keep up with him. I must increase my pace while shouting for him to stop and wait for me. *

*At some point, his shining silhouette stopped, and I took advantage of it by accelerating my speed. I drew closer and closer to his dazzling stature that we were finally at arm's length. I was there. I was finally near. I was close to touching dad again. Oh God, even a second's worth of hug could already send me into euphoria. Once, I reached a hand to touch him, expecting to feel his warmth, but I gasped when I felt that I slipped through him and suddenly entered into the darkness again, feeling that I was falling. My throat felt stiff out of impending surprise, letting myself fall to another pit of obscurity. *

*The scene gradually began to change, and I almost lost my mind when everything around me had wholly manifested. I was here. I was here again. In the same place. The same scenery. The same weather. The same face. I was facing dad's dead facade again.*

*I wanted to scream, but I could no longer feel my throat. My stomach churned, and the bile in my liver rose to my throat, giving me the want to vomit. Everything around me felt like it was spinning. Dad's face was deadly pale, his neck purplish. There was viscous, red blood spilling from his head, saturating his hair and making it sticky. One of his eyes was hanging out of its socket, and the other was crushed. His nose was broken and of a blueish hue. His tongue stuck out of his mouth, which had lost its front teeth. *

*While all the blood and gore looked disgusting that I wanted to puke, I couldn't help but tear up at the same time. To see dad miserable like this crushed my heart. He didn't deserve this. It should have been me in that state. It should have been me!*

*"Oh God, dad," I croaked internally, "I'm so sorry," I wanted to cry, to let out all of my anguish in just a scream. But I couldn't. It was like my throat was taken away from me that I couldn't let out a single word. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, resorting to my grief in tears. *

*"Va...ness...a," a gurgling voice said, and I opened my eyes. I found myself frozen all over again. *

*Dad's face began twisting and contorting, his tongue began twitching and moving sideways while his mouth leaked more blood, oozing down to his neck. I watched in horror when his facial muscles twitched and began burbling. The sound was horrendous, like something was deeply stuck in his throat. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. My body was immobile.*

*"Oh... Van...nessa..." he said, "Why did you let me die?"*

**

Thank you for reading Bubble Gum Kisses! To keep up with my works, future works, and endless frustrations on Twitter: https://twitter.org/RiosMorpheus**