Alpha Nicholas

Alpha Nicholas

She threw me out of her room... She threw me out. She may not have done it physically but it was clear that she meant it and as much as I wanted to ignore her and just stay there, she deserves to be treated with some respect. Yes, I know I'm not exactly doing that when it comes to our whole mate bond situation but that's why I can at least try and give her the respect she deserves in other areas. I'm still not happy about being kicked out but I have to admit that seeing some of her feisty side come out was quite enjoyable. "Hey, son. How is she doing?" My mom's voice echoes in the small hallway where I've been sitting on the world's most uncomfortable chair for the last 15 minutes. She may have kicked me out of her room but she didn't say I couldn't sit outside of it. "She woke up for a little while then asked me to leave so she could get some more sleep hence me sitting here like a lost sheep." My mom chuckles as she comes to sit beside me but instead pulls the chair around before taking a seat so that she is now facing me and pats my knee. "I like that she told you to leave. It shows a backbone and from what we know so far... well, that girl needs some." I nod then sigh and I run my hand down my face.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Mom." She gives me that smile that only a mom can before taking my hands in hers. "You're denying yourself your destiny. You're denying yourself the chance of a beautiful relationship. You're denying yourself a chance to add more children to your family and you're denying your mate the same. That's what you're doing!" As always she's blunt and straight to the point. I may be an Alpha but when it comes to my mom she's just that... my mom and I love her for it. She treats me like her Alpha when it is required but the rest of the time I'm her son and she's not afraid to tell me how it is or how much of an asshole I am being and let's be honest, I've been an asshole lately.

"You know it's not that simple, Mom." She gives me a sad look and I know she's replaying those hated memories. "Don't go there, Mom." She shakes her head and I know she's fighting back tears but she refuses to let me see them. "I'm fine, sweetheart. You know I often think about those 3 weeks and it never gets any easier but then I think about how it could have turned out, how it did for so many, and I'm always grateful that you came back to me. I'll never forget about what happened, son and neither will you but I had to learn to live with it and so have you and I know for the most part you do but letting what happened stop you from having your mate... Well, it's something that you will regret, it may not be today or tomorrow, or even next week but it will happen and it'll be too late for you."

My head thumps as I take in everything she saying and I know she's right because the truth is that I'm already struggling with the idea of letting my mate go and that's before I've even done it. I want to keep her but I just don't know if I can. I don't want to send her away but keeping her with me feels like an almost impossible task. "Nothing I say will change your mind, will it? I know you want her, it's obvious but you're still going to reject her and send her away aren't you?" I shrug because at this point I don't even know how to try and answer her.

"Why don't you go and get us some coffee, my love." We both turn our heads when we hear my dad's voice as he heads towards us. His eyes fill with love when he looks at my mom and it sends a pang to my heart. She nods then stands up while looking down at me. "Please, just think about what I said, son." I nod then smile when she kisses my dad on the cheek and head down the hallway, my dad not taking his eyes off her until she disappears out of sight.

I know that I'm going to have a similar conversation with my dad but I just don't know if I have it in me anymore to keep going over the same thing. "Don't give me that look, I'm not about to tell you that I think you're wrong or what you should or shouldn't do when it comes to your mate." The shock on my face is clear as he lowly chuckles to himself. "You're not?" He shakes his head. "No, son I'm not. I don't see the point. You are going to do what you want regardless so there's no point in me trying to sway you one way or the other but I do want to talk to you. Now, you can listen or you can choose to ignore me the choice is yours but I'm going to talk anyway."

"I know you see the love between your mom and me. You and Will have always commented on it, and while most other kids would be grossed out or make snide comments about it like Shane and Robbie, neither you nor Will ever have if anything, both of you have always admired it and I've always been proud to show off my love for your mom. We've both always been proud to be able to show all of our kids how love can be." I nod not saying a word but I am listening. "The moment any of you turned 18 we wished that you would find good mates who would love and make you happy no matter what."

"I know, mom told me that before when she was drunk." We both laugh knowing how my mom gets when she's had a few too many drinks. The woman loves a good gossip! "Well, it seems that our wish has come true for Shane. I know something is going on with Lily but I can also see the person she is and I believe that she will be perfect for him. And as for you..."

"Well, I don't know much about you mate, as much as you do I believe but already I see a kind heart and someone who just wants to love and be loved. Someone who has been hurt but wants to heal and I see the same thing in you. I know that whatever path you decide to go on is going to be hard for you and I will support you no matter what happens but all I ask is that you are 1000% sure about your decision. I want you to know with absolute certainty that you have made the right decision for the right reasons and not because you think you should make it or it is what others want you to do."

This is one of the many reasons why I love this man and his advice is one of the reasons he was always an incredible Alpha, the type of Alpha I hope to be one day. "What is the main reason for you rejecting her, son? I know the obvious and maybe I'm wrong but I get the feeling that it's not all as black and white as you're making it out to be." Fuck, it's moments like this that I both love and hate how much my dad truly knows me. "It doesn't make you weak to feel emotions, son. It doesn't make you less of an Alpha if you express how you're feeling and if you want to talk to me then whatever is said right here right now is between us and no one else needs to know.

I hate to admit it but he's right and my dad's a good man, the best, and if I can't talk to him about how I feel then I doubt I could talk to anyone else. I run my hand over my hair and down my face as I try to figure out how to say how I feel but I can't so instead I just start spilling out all of my fears to my dad in the middle of the hospital hallway.

"What if I was to give it a chance but I couldn't let go of what happened? What if I give it a chance and tell her what happened for it to be too much for her and have her walk away? I don't think I could cope if that happened. What if I go in there and tell her I want her as my Mate but she doesn't want that? I've been a bastard and a coward and I wouldn't blame her for not wanting me after how I've been to her but putting my heart on the line for her to run would kill me."

"Finally, some real truths, son. I can't tell you that none of that won't happen but what if you go in there and tell her you want her and she wants you to dispute how you have acted? What if you go in there and tell her your story and she still accepts you and your past? What if you go in there and you get everything that I know you want despite what you may say? Is facing this situation head-on scary for you? Absolutely but isn't it better to live with knowing you tried rather than living with the regret of just walking away? Look at how you've raised Lottie. She's one incredibly young lady and you've done that. You have so much to give someone, so much love to give someone and it's a shame to just let it go."

"I need to talk to her don't I?" There's so much more I want to say but that's what it comes down to. I can't just let her go, not before we've at least talked about some stuff. "You do, son and it needs to come from your heart." I know It does and that's the problem because while my head is still telling me to reject her and send her in her way, my heart is saying to go in there and never let her out of my sight again, and right now, I have no clue what to do.